girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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