WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
