apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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