Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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