i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
