You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
