Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
