Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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