I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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