I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
