good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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