We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
