We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
