No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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