WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
