if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
