fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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