you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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