so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
