Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
