So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You're like the curious george of whores
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
