ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
