Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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