I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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