that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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