she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
