I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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