I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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