How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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