Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
