I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
