and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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