cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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