so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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