In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
