it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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