Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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