Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
