she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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