Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
