New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
