'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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