dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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