i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
