I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
