We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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