So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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