this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
