I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
