I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
