he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
