That's when you crack a 10am beer
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
